I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
