I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
