Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
