if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
