put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
