it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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