I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
