I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
