biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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