Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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