I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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