thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
