It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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