Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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