I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
