there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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