Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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