Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
