OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
