he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm just crazy horny about you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
