the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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