she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
