You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize