So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
