OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
