I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
