Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
