I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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