Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
