I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
