I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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