If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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