i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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