He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
