Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
