you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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