He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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