My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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