WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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