i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i think i just lost a toe
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
