Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.

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(512): View more from Texas

turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce

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(503): View more from Oregon

My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.

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(559): View more from California

His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence

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(419): View more from Ohio

Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities

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(705): View more from Ontario

As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on

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