my sisters under your porch take her home
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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