addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
