I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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