Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
