I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
