You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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