Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
