i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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