She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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