First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
