He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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