Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
