don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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