just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
