Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
