is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
