White coat. Heels.
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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