For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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