I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
