Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
