You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
