Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I intend to get homeless drunk
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
