Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
