going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
