He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you made out with another girl for some wings
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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