And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
