you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
