I wish I could teleport
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
