Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
