I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
