I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
