batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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