I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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