I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
