she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
