***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
