Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
