i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
