I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
