in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
