I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
