3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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