Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
