Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
