Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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