I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
