she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
