I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
