He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
