she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All the doctor said was why
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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